perditus.adfectio.duo

April 9, 2006

“…love with someone unreachable. It’s both a pity and an adventure.”

Okay, I’ve gotten a decent four hour sleep and I shall be departing soon for Rap’s place. Why? Because I can and it’s terribly boring here. You’d think that after all my hardship, I’d learn the value of money and I’d probably just stay home and make ends meet. No, not really. I do appreciate the value of the hard-earned Peso, however, I would rather not stay around in a house without water. It’s just… difficult. ‘What about Tsukasa?’ you might ask? Well, I’m going to buy some supplies for him first before I leave.

In any case, I will continue my adventurous tales from yesterday. Well, to tell you franbkly, there really isn’t much left to type. We had a played a bunch of games to determine which unit was most dominant for that day. Sadly, I generally lost in the other competitions except for Sonic Blastman! I dominated somehow early on, but I just lost my strength after a while. Good thing it was Dhon who represented the unit and not me. After the whole things, we went to eat at Burger King where had some pretty interesting conversations.

What I guess I could look forward to is the possibility of Dhon, Lei, Eums and possibly MM to come over and stay for about a week some time after Holy Week. Let me make it clear, it’s not the fact that a bunch of men are coming to sleep over, it’s just that I cannot imagine the chaos and comedy that would come out of 5 guys staying in one house for one whole week. It almost sounds like a reality TV show. Now that I think about it, it might as well be one! You can be sure that I’ll be making a summary of each day should it happen.

Now that all the good stuff has been let out, it’s time for a little emo moment and some rants. If you would, I’d like you to connect the quotes of the perditus adfectio posts. If you’re lazy, then I’ll give you the benefit of checking it out in the hidden message below. Just highlight it.

I’ve come to realize that I’m honestly, undeniably, hopelessly in…love with someone unreachable. It’s both a pity and an adventure.

That should pretty much sum up why I feel inspired yet at the very same time, I also feel somewhat forlorn. I find myself captivated and frustrated. It’s beyond my understanding as to why this is gravitating to such an extent. Typically, it does not reach this level. I would suddenly discover that my thoughts are already being consumed.

Warning, the next segment is not for the easily disgusted and for those who despise various forms of mushy stuff.

You have been warned.

I can’t totally understand why I’m like this. I know that I’ve always had an attraction somehow but I had never realized that it had reached this degree. But, despite this, my first and foremost concern is her happiness. I wish that I could be the one who makes her smile the most. How I wish that if she thinks of me, she would smile at least ever so slightly. And to make her laugh brings me a joy that I can’t even begin to explain. I’m trapped. Because she most likely can’t even begin to picture the possibility of us. As hopeless as I feel, I want to move forward. I know that she is not as happy as she could be. He isn’t always there and he’s made her cry countless times. I feel guilt somehow in that.

How I wish I could be there whenever a tear rolls down her face. Whether it be of sadness brought to her by the world, or tears of joy that makes life worth living. I want to be there, at her side, whenever she needs someone to cry on, to laugh with, or simply just to keep her company on a gloomy monday.

I love her.

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