April 10, 2006

“…the only thing certain about humanity is their uncertainty.”

Another day has passed and thankfully, my pockets were not as empty as they were previously thanks to my folks sending me some money. Hopefully, I can visit Makati soon to see whether College Assurance Plan ( which didn’t really assure me much ) is able to give me the money they failed to give during the last two semester which they legally owe. I know that I may be sounding like a money-hungry scrooge by now, but the fact is, I need it to survive. It’s becoming awfully difficult and I need some kind of re-assurance that things will not turn into a nightmare. This is simply because I refuse to go the United States of America.

I think I’ve already mentioned this on my first post. Anyway, moving on, I attended a small get-together with some of my High School friends. All we did was mostly play the Warcraft III map, Defense of the Ancients ( or simply DotA ) and after which, we went over to Rap’s place and played some PS2 games. All in all, not too exciting, but it served well in turning what might have been a dull day into something much more entertaining. After all, these guys are all much weirder than I am and I can feel at home with all the insane weirdness going on.

I also had a rather lengthly talk on the phone with Nikoru-chan and it was fun. It’s always fun to have a fun conversation with someone you feel comfortable with. Lots of fun, really. It was a much longer conversation than the kind we’ve been having in recent days due to the lack of time. Which gives me reason to fear my upcoming telephone bills since I called her mobile phone while she was at the province. Nonetheless, I don’t regret it because it was all worthwhile by making her laugh and smile for at least a few moments. It gives you a warm, fuzzy feeling to make friends happy, doesn’t it?

[ Update on the Perditus Adfectio series… ]

I found myself pondering over a question asked to me one time, “Isn’t this enough? Just being like this?”. At the time, I couldn’t really think of a decent answer so I just answered with whatever came to mind. But after reflecting on the matter, I realized one more answer to this question. I realized that, “as long as I am only a friend and prove him wrong, he will continue to be frustrated at that fact and take it out on her”. As long as he continues to take it out on her as part of that frustration against me, it will burn in my conscience with a trail of thought which can be summarized as, ‘he hurts her because of me’.

Paranoid as it seems, this trail of throught has truth to it and the fact that it is partially true, makes it true enough for me to believe. Confusing? Imagine living in my head. I was said to think too much and yeah, I guess I do.

Should I bury these feelings of mine? A forbidden feeling? Or should I just hide it and foster it until I lose all hope completely?

Sign Out.


Find your Celestial Choir


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