Passion of the Geek

May 11, 2008

“Find something to dedicate your heart and soul to.”
-strwbry

Never before have I felt so astray when I heard these words. It was bouncing around the inner niches of my head, causing near-emo tendencies to surface. After all, I knew for a fact that I could not hold onto something long enough to really give my heart and soul to. I’m the kind of guy who gets bored pretty easily. It’s almost ridiculous, really. One moment, I get the urge to play Final Fantasy VI so I go over rivers and mountains just to get the means to play. But after a few seconds into the intro of the game, I turn it off and find myself reading an article on Final Fantasy VII. It’s that bad.

So it shouldn’t surprise you now why I was so moved by these words from the strawberry ice cream(SIC) vendor. That’s why I’m trying to find that “one thing” to dedicate my time and soul to. Finding that, however, is turning out to be a bigger challenge than I first imagined. There are a lot of things to choose from. I know that at one point, gaming was the central feature of my geeky adolescence. It still is a strong influence for me but rare are those games which would really get me up and excited. (STARCRAFT2, STARCRAFT2, STARCRAFT2, STARCRAFT2, STARCRAFT2)

<3

What do I have in mind then? Writing/Drawing. For the longest time, I’ve been doing one or both of these things. Then came the wonders of technology and computer gaming. It might seem immature to some but one of the things I still aspire to be is a game developer. I’m serious. A real-deal game developer that would (hopefully) release a role-playing game that would be loved by (most) gamers all around. It’s for that reason that I took up a programming course. That and my belief that I could learn more from an I.T. course than from an art/writing course.

My current job is a good ten thousand miles from my dream job but I’m gonna inch my way there. As with every dream, there has to be a starting point. I think I’ve dreamed long enough. It’s time to step up and rise to the challenge. It’s going to be a long and bitchy ride but “there’s no gettin’ off this train we’re on.” So I’m gonna start with just writing and drawing. It shouldn’t be too difficult since the SIC vendor said she’d help out by giving deadlines and such to pressure me.

I’ve gone on long enough without a burning passion to drive me. The Garden Re-opens.

The Price of Ambition

January 18, 2008

I’ve come to believe that there are generally 2 kinds of people when it comes to aspect of ambition: Those who can be happy/contented with whatever it is that they have and those who want more. Although we occasionally become one or the other from time to time, we are generally one of them most of the time. For some random reason, I feel like discussing the topic and will probably give a bit of an in-depth commentary on my belief.

The Content
These people tend to not mind if things aren’t always in top condition. They seem to be more concerned with maintaining whatever it is that they already have. In short, the stability of a rock.

Stability

After all, why fix something that’s not broken, right? Things are perfectly fine the way they are now so just enjoy it. Under this category are also those who are passive and don’t really care because unlike The Ambitious, they’d rather not have to exert any more effort to get something they can go on without.

The Ambitious
This is the category of people who want more than what is currently available to them. These people want things that will make a little easier, a little faster, a little better, a little bit more. However, the degree of wants would vary from person to person. But regardless of whatever or however much they want, they generally want more on a consistent basis. One common characteristic of these people would be their constant struggle from boredom.

BOARD

Like the bored kitty said, he wants MOAR. After all, why not live life to the fullest? We only live once and so we should maximize it. Take risks, experiment, go beyond our daily routines to do something that would give us more then we would get if we just toiled regularly.

We constantly drift between these two extremes. The content person may want to improve his life once every blue moon if things go a little downhill beyond his control. The ambitious person may want to settle down for a moment and enjoy his spoils before moving on to his next conquest. But we are one type more often than the other.

For me, I believe that I’m more ambitious than content. Mostly because I can’t stand a grinding tasks whether it be in gaming or IRL for too long. I feel that I need to be constantly stimulated by life for me to be able to perform at my peak. At the same time however, I can’t really do so well if it demands change and action at a constant and rapid pace. You could say I’m ambitious who wants to take his time. However, this comes at a price.

Because I tend to be a little(possibly an understatement) overconfident when it comes to my full potential, I tend to let myself down a lot which kinda gets me a bit frustrated from time to time. I usually think that I can do better than I did. A result of my ambition of wanting something done but can’t. I wonder though, how do we know if we’ve reached our limit or whether we just need to try a little harder? There are some stories of people who tried enough times to finally achieve their goal. At the same time, we know that there is a certain limit to what we can do. So when is either?

Hmm, whatever. It’s already dawn. It’s time to get some breakfast and put my restless mind to sleep.

Sick Days

November 26, 2007

Oh the horror, it’s days like this that I wish I was just a regular ol’ student. I can’t really afford to skip training at CVG today so despite my recovery condition, I gotta head off to work. Actually, even if it rains like it’ll end the world, I still have to go to Convergys. Although I probably have to let everyone know I just have a fever. They might think it’s some contagious disease or something. Stupid funky water at some fastfood joint I can’t mention because I haven’t really confirmed it. So in order to avoid the risk of committing libel, I will simply refer to it as ‘funky fastfood house with a reference to climate’. Anyway, I’m gonna be late so I’ll just make a follow-up post to this later or something. Maybe not.

Anyway, just to make a special announcement, HAPPY BIRTHDAY GEMMA!!!

Duality of my post

November 9, 2007

You get to be the judge now. Thanks to my trainer, I was able to see this co-trainer of hers who allegedly looks like me. In fact, my trainer even insisted that we have a picture together! So ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Exhibit A:


Is it true? Do we look alike? You be the judge.

Anyway, yesterday happened to be my birthday. It wasn’t really a special day, I mean, there was hardly even a celebration and I was still tired from training. Another year has gone by and I remembered about my usual thoughts during the Halloween/All Saint’s season. Mortality. We’re all doomed to die someday and although it’s useless to really think about it, we still can’t help but wonder, ‘what will happen? How will I die? Am I ready to die? When am I gonna die?’, These typical questions loomed over me as I looked at the numerous tombstones. But I easily dismissed them. The questions that got me thinking were more like, ‘What were these people like when they were at their prime?’.

I saw a tombstone at Loyola Memorial something at Marikina or wherever it was. It looked old, uncared for and beat up. I could barely even make heads or tails of the name etched on it. However, as I peered closer I saw that the date of death was around in the 1980’s. Like I said, I could barely read out the name. Did the person buried there foresee that his or her grave would turn out this way? Later on, we dropped by a crypt and I saw another tombstone, the death date was around 1960-something. However, the tombstone was obviously well-maintained. Apparently, others care for their departed more than others. But why? Is it to respect their memory? Just that?

I guess it’s easy for me to say that because I have not yet experienced a death of someone close to me. Although I pray that it doesn’t happen any time soon, I know that it will happen someday. Death will come for us all. One way or another, it will. I guess we have to make the most out of life. We can’t afford to just mope over the little things. Even the bigger things, we can only gloom over something for so long but we have to move on again. Though our hearts want to stay, our mind will tell us to trudge forward. Live life. Love life.

Re-Writing

October 25, 2007

It’s been a while since I’ve written anything at all. Except for a few short poems, I haven’t really been in to writing for quite some time. Which is probably why despite my current training at a call center, I am making an attempt to compose a rather amateur piece of literature called fanfiction. For those who aren’t aware of this, fanfiction is simply making another form of literature based from something that currently exists that is not of your own original content. An example of this would be making ‘what if’ scenarios for your favorite TV shows and the like.

So what am I writing? Well, you could say that I’m going back to my roots since I’m writing a fanfic about the PS game ‘Harvest Moon: Back to Nature’. It’s a farming game with a bunch of side quests such as having to get married to one of five girls from the village. Apparently, I won’t tell you what the story is about and instead, I will simply refer you to the website that hosts my story: fanfiction.net

What else have I been into these days? Not much, actually. I’ve already begun training at the call center I applied for and I will hopefully pass the training and become a productive agent. This would most likely be eating up a lot of my time since I will not be studying this semester. It’s a bit of a waste, really. But I haven’t much of a choice on the matter since money is something that I have no real control over. At least the money that I’m supposed to receive.

I hope to be able to pay my debts in due time. Then, resume my studies. It sounds so ‘nice’, ne? Pray that I don’t squander my income.